Pass The Co-Dependancy Please

Sunday supper at my folk's house featured homemade dinner rolls, olives stuffed with cream cheese and pecans and a big turkey with all the usual Americana trimmings. It also included the expectedly untimely flaring of unflattering behaviors.

There's the emotional blackmail being served up in full auto-pilot mode. The ever so popular passive/aggressive attitudes that are a specialty of my family whenever we get together for ritual heavy events and holidays....and everytime.

And don't forget the overbearing know-it-all bully routine (I have a secret recipe that I'm known for).

There's a warm regard that families have for their own dysfunctions. I especially enjoy the nostalgic familiarity of bickering mercilessly with people who have long since forgiven me for being me. But my dad prefers the steely silence of the cold shoulders. While my sister usually opts for the whine.

There's really something for everyone.

I think that there may actually be a certain sweetness to the dysfunction of the traditional holiday meal codependancy. What keeps it palatable enough, so that we keep showing up year after year, is the love that underlines each dirty look, pointed remark or inconsiderate gesture.

When one of my siblings stabs another in the back; it is done so with love.

Because who really cares enough about you to actually be insulted by a caustic sneer? Only your family recognizes that sneer. And who can you count on to fly off the handle when you use sarcasm at an inopportune moment? Seriously, your family are the only one's paying attention.

To truly love someone is to hold that person accountable. We all deserve to be the best version of ourselves; and our loved ones should remind us when we are being less than our best.

Today, for instance, I reminded my mom that she's much more likeable when she's not being bossy. And she in turn, reminded me, that I'm at my very best when I keep my trap shut. This is what love sounds like.

I cherish family get-togethers; because I appreciate the easy going flow of a social dynamic that takes a generation to form. I love my family and I'm satisfied with how our dysfunctions has evolved.

Remember, hate is not the opposite of love. Indifference is. And hate is not the person sitting opposite from you at the dinner table. . .that's your sister.