Friday, May 7, 2010

Fighting tips from Unusual Sources- Part One: How to beat a man with a cane, by President Andrew Jackson.

Andrew Jackson, may not rank among the greatest presidents, but as a badass he stands without peer. Here he gives some advice on the finer points of cane fighting:

" Now, Mr. B ," said Jackson, " if any one attacks you I know you will fight with that big black stick of yours. You will aim right for his head. Well, sir, ten chances to one he will ward it off, and if you do hit him, you won't bring him down. Now, sir [taking the stick into his own hands], you hold the stick so and punch him in the stomach, and you'll drop him."

This was no theoretical exercise. Experience taught him the value of a gut strike. When he was a young man, a violent sort had apparently singled Jackson out as an easy mark and made the decision to engage with the future president.

Wrong bet:

"He was a man of immense size, one of the very biggest men I ever saw. As quick as a flash I snatched a small rail from the top of the fence and gave him the point of it full in the stomach. Sir, it doubled him up. He fell at my feet, and I stamped on him."

So, your real-world fighting tips here are:

(1) Don't go for the head, go for the gut
(2) When your opponent is down, finish him off

"He fell at my feet, and I stamped on him." THAT is true presidential application of unilateralism.

It is also probably worth mentioning that this was not a purely historical exercise for Jackson either, he maintained his form as a top-notch cane-fighter well into his later years. Legend holds that when, at 67 years old, he became the first victim of an attempted assassination when a man walked up and fired two pistols at the President. Both misfired. But canes do not misfire. A fact which Jackson proceeded to demonstrate as he beat the would-be-assassin until his bodyguards pulled him off.

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